Deep Thoughts

Discussion in 'Jokes, Funny Stories and other Text.' started by Disorder, Jul 29, 2008.

  1. Disorder

    Disorder New Member

    Messages:
    2,055
    If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen."

    I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."

    Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

    If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

    As a young boy, when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school the way you are; dirty and soaking wet. Well, while he tried to decide, I drove by and splashed him again.

    If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.

    There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.

    For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

    He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him.

    I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.

    Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots." "Good," I said as I gritted my teeth real hard. "Then maybe you and carrots would like to go into the bedroom and have sex!" They didn't, but maybe they will sometime, and I can watch.
     
  2. Nauseous

    Nauseous Active Member

    Messages:
    10,885
    I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

    When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

    We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
     
  3. Disorder

    Disorder New Member

    Messages:
    2,055
    To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

    Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

    If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

    I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

    Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
     

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