A couple of quotes from Black Coffee Blues

Discussion in 'Jokes, Funny Stories and other Text.' started by Sigma, Apr 12, 2004.

  1. Sigma

    Sigma New Member

    For those of you who don't know, Black Coffee Blues is a book by Henry Rollins, a.k.a the lead singer of Black Flag (Band from the 80s) and today's Rollins Band. Anyway, this guy is fucking hilarious. He has been on comedy central and written a few books anyway Heres a few quotes from this book from a section called 124 Worlds:

    It was her third black eye this month. She didn't freak out. She did shoot him in the face while he was watching television.

    She came home and he was beating their child. She walked past them, went to the fridge, got a beer, and sat down and watched T.V.

    It was late, and they were in bed. No they weren't sleeping. Would I waste my time telling you a story about two people sleeping? Anyway, they breathed in, they breathed out. Right, go talk to Andy Warhol. The best thing he ever did was take Grace Jones for all her money, too bad he didnt take her out of circulation for keeps. You remember the white guy from the movie 48 Hours? He talked about giving his woman "The high hard one"? Isn't that gross? Who writes this shit anyway? So, thats what this guy was doing to this girl.

    They were having a grand old time, making the party noises. She giggled and he laughed. And then the phone rings. Its three in the morning and the phone rings--what the fuck? She reaches over and picks it up. Now how the fuck would you like to be that guy, all hot and bothered, frozen in the ridiculous pushup position. You try to look a the walls, you can't see shit cause its too dark.

    So anyway, you listening in on the conversation, and you stick it in with great emphasis to see if you can make her talk funny. Her face curls like a snake, and you give her a look thats like "Gee can't this phone call wait for another time?" but it comes out looking like "GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE, I'LL HAVE YOU NOW!"

    Skipping ahead (Its a long ass story)

    It takes awhile, but your back to what your doing. Here you go with the head down grimace of the working man. Your right about to come and the phone rings again. She picks it up and starts talking again. She hangs up and says that he's coming over and could you please remove yourself from her. She shakes your hand and says it was nice to meet you and that Walter will be over soon. She starts changing the sheets, you ask what the fuck for, nothing happened in them. She tells you Walter doesn't like this pattern.

    So your in the hallway right, and you get this great idea. You go over to the doorstep and pull out your pudd and start whacking away. Hoping, that maybe, just maybe, Walter will slip and break his godamn neck. Good night.

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