Checkmate
07-20-2005, 09:02 AM
For those of you who don't like Dennis Miller, who is not Jewish, you may
want to re-consider as this is one of the most brilliant things he has ever done.
Pass it on to all your friends.
For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show called
Dennis Miller Live on HBO. He is not Jewish He recently said the following
about the Mid East situation:
"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all
Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle
East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that:
There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for
two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really
a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was
owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by
Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep
bond with their lost "land" and "nation."
So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to
describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone
points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are:
"Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap
Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then:
"Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country.
Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own
country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David.
But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage
trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out
some way to make a living.
That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region
want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where the
real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity" as
their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of
Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact
that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on
God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth, you know that's
really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the
great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm missing
something,
the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way,
thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million
Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack
of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if
Israel gives them half of that pack of matches,Everyone will be pals..
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every
Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the
numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I was
stunned at the simple brilliance of it Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts
of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.
Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to
drive a tiny Arab State into the sea?Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of
innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the
Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children?
Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would
ever do to people is debate them to death.
Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with vital
operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to
stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be
much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their
drugs taken away.
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral
weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our president told us
and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that
supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after months and months of having
the equivalent of an Oklahoma City
every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and we
tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all
very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and
kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan.
Please feel free to pass this along to your friends Walk in peace! Be Happy!
Have a wonderful life!
I hope you found this as interesting as I did.
Checkmate
want to re-consider as this is one of the most brilliant things he has ever done.
Pass it on to all your friends.
For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show called
Dennis Miller Live on HBO. He is not Jewish He recently said the following
about the Mid East situation:
"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all
Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle
East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that:
There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine for
two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is really
a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war, Gaza was
owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by
Jordan, and there were no "Palestinians."
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for their deep
bond with their lost "land" and "nation."
So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to
describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone
points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are:
"Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap
Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then:
"Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own country.
Oops, just one more thing. No, they don't. They could've had their own
country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at Camp David.
But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic lights and garbage
trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you actually have to figure out
some way to make a living.
That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region
want: Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where the
real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity" as
their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of
Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact
that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on
God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth, you know that's
really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about the
great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm missing
something,
the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and, by the way,
thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million
Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack
of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if
Israel gives them half of that pack of matches,Everyone will be pals..
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive every
Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend Kevin Rooney made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse the
numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I was
stunned at the simple brilliance of it Can anyone picture the Jews strapping belts
of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.
Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to
drive a tiny Arab State into the sea?Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of
innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the
Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children?
Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews would
ever do to people is debate them to death.
Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with vital
operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to
stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be
much harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their
drugs taken away.
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral
weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our president told us
and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that
supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after months and months of having
the equivalent of an Oklahoma City
every week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and we
tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would all
very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and
kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan.
Please feel free to pass this along to your friends Walk in peace! Be Happy!
Have a wonderful life!
I hope you found this as interesting as I did.
Checkmate