Best religious joke

[The Desacrator]

My favorite: What is white and sticky and falls from the sky? The cummin' of the lord!

[Dwaine Scum]

Q: Whats the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting?

A: It only takes one nail to hang an oil painting

[Psycho Bob]

or the one whe jesus walks into the inn, hands the barman 3 nails and says "can u put me up 4 the night?"

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[The Desacrator]

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her as an altar boy!

[TheUndeadChick]

Bwahahaha!

[Psycho Bob]

are u choking or having an orgasm chick?

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Dwaine Scum]

chokeing and having an orgasm is quite Erotic

[Psycho Bob]

true....

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Incestuous Necrophiliac]

How 'bout this?

Q: What do you give a pedophile who has everything?

A: A bigger parish.

[Incestuous Necrophiliac]

...or

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see a little kid playing in his yard. The priest says "hey, let's fuck this kid"

The rabbi replies, "outta what?"

[TheUndeadChick]

True, the humor coming from bad religious jokes could borderline orgasmic.

As for previous joke...is that like the Jewish pedophile..."What to buy some candy little girl?"

[Dwaine Scum]

Jewish delima: FREE HAM!

What did the roma gaurds say to jesus after he dropped the cross the second time?
One more time and your out of the parade

[wedgie_up_the_wrong_way]

i love god so much, id crucify him all over again.

[Hollz]

Best religious joke?Hmmm has to be god and jesus the pair of them dont exist except as fictional characters in the kids story the bible.

[Dwaine Scum]

until his rope wouldnt relese right?

[Jurkin 24-7]

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

a pizza doesnt sceam when you put it in the oven.

[GreenAppleSplatters]

this is a little of topic but here goes:
How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand.

Laugh...........now.

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Pikachu is the Devil.

[Six_Digit_Debt]

What kind of meat do priests eat?

Nun.

and who said we never grew up?

(Hysteria)

[Dwaine Scum]

you guys ever heard of Klu klux Kenivel? He attempted to jump over 20 black guys with a steam roller.. *rimshot*

[Psycho Bob]

http://www.fugly.com/ubb/smile.gifim laughing so hard im crying http://www.fugly.com/ubb/smile.gif

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Jurkin 24-7]

you know what the difference between a nigger and a pizza is?

....a pizza can feed a family of four.

[Dwaine Scum]

lol... now thats funny!

[Psycho Bob]

i looked up nigger in the dictionary...

Nig-ger (nig'er)n. An African jungle anthropoid ape of the primate family pongidae (superfamily cercopithecoidea). Imported to the United States as slave labor in the late 1700's-1800's, these wild creatures now roam freely while destroying the economic and social infrastructures of America and various other nations. These flamboyant sub-humans love to consume large quantities of greasy fried chicken

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Jurkin 24-7]

while i'm on a roll............

whats the two most important things missing from the "million man march" ?

20 miles of chain and an auctioneer.

[Dwaine Scum]

muh lipz ain't to greasey iz dey'?

[Jurkin 24-7]

how do you starve a nigger?

....hide his foodstamps under his workboots.

[Psycho Bob]

why does that joke seem familiar?
must be something to do with fuglys index page i think something to do with mexicans perhaps

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Dwaine Scum]

Q: What do you call a brick building full of mexicans?
A: Jail

[OllieRetard]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Psycho Bob:
i looked up nigger in the dictionary...

Nig-ger (nig'er)n. An African jungle anthropoid ape of the primate family pongidae (superfamily cercopithecoidea). Imported to the United States as slave labor in the late 1700's-1800's, these wild creatures now roam freely while destroying the economic and social infrastructures of America and various other nations. These flamboyant sub-humans love to consume large quantities of greasy fried chicken
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Damn, I didn't realize you were such a racist prick. I will NOT be sharing any of my livestock with you until you see the error of your ways, you piece of shit. Someone's rosie ass needs a good beating, and I'm just the one to do it. I wish I could get my hands on you but they're just too damn greasy and I keep losing my grip.

Yo, pass me a thigh muthafucka.

[Jurkin 24-7]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Psycho Bob:
why does that joke seem familiar?
must be something to do with fuglys index page i think something to do with mexicans perhaps

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

oh i didnt notice, i turn all ethnic jokes i hear into nigger jokes anyway.

if there's a spic, a nigger, and a mexican in a car, who's driving?

a policeman

[Psycho Bob]

thats much better 24-7 lol

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Psycho Bob]

im not racist oilli i told ya i just looked it up in the dictionary so wheres that livestock?

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Jurkin 24-7]

i originally heard that as a canadian joke with the american getting slapped, but i dont know any canadians and no ethnicity seems to get upset as much as blacks. so i just couldnt help myself, i'm actually not at all prejudice, i just like the look on people's faces when you say shit like that.

[Jurkin 24-7]

i guess its only fair to tell where i'm steeling this shit from. you can go to shagmail.com and subscribe to ethnic jokes. most of them are pretty damn good.

[Psycho Bob]

the jokes are getting better and better

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Jurkin 24-7]

now that i've begun to piss everybody off, i dont want to leave anyone out. And since i'm not getting any ass lately anyway, why not a shot at the ladies?

How do you fix a womans watch?
you dont, theres a clock on the stove.

whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
about 45 pounds.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
the sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

[Incestuous Necrophiliac]

I COLLECT ANTIQUE FARM EQUIPMENT... SO I BOUGHT AN OLD NIGGER.

I thought we were doing religion. Oh well.

[Jurkin 24-7]

ya like that huh?
this ones kinda lengthy but worth the readin


In a train car there were a black guy, a white guy, a spectacular looking blonde and an awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard.
When they leave the tunnel, the black guy had a big slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought - "That son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."

The fat lady thought - "That dirty old nigger laid his hands on that blonde and she smacked him, good for her."

The black guy thought - "That bastard put his hand on that blonde and she slapped me, just cause i'm the black guy".

The white guy thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid nigger again".

[Dwaine Scum]

now that was funny! hey Jerkin, you like the People haters? they rock... look them up on Napster

[Jurkin 24-7]

ok back to the topic of religeous jokes, you've all probably heard it but it's still funny.......
a new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. he asked the monsignor how to overcome this. he suggested putting a glass of vodka next to his water. So on sunday he started to get nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. upon returning to his office he found this not on his door.
1. Sip the vodka, dont gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There were 12 desciples not 10.
4. The communion wafer is "consecrated", not "constipated".
5. Jacob "wagered his donkey", he did not "bet his ass".
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as "the late JC".
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not refered to as "Daddy, Junior, and the spook".
8. David "slew" Goliath, he did not "kick the shit out of him".
9. When david was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was "stoned off his ass".
10. We do not refer to the cross as
"the big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,Take this, and eat it, for it is my body." he did not say "Eat me"
12. The virgin mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
13. The recomended Grace is not "Rubba-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next sunday there will be a "taffy pulling contest at st.Peters", not a "Peter pulling contest at st.taffy's"

[Psycho Bob]

now that made me laugh

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Live Fast Die Young Leave a Goodlookin' Corpse

[Asmodeus]

hmm.. guess its time to post some of my collection.

4 nuns were confessing their sins. The first one confesses that she saw a naked penis. Her penance was 10 Hail Marys and to wash her wyws out with holy water. The second nun confesses that she touched a naked penis. Her penance was to say 20 Hail Marys and wash her hands in holy water. At this point the fourth nun steps up in line and says "I'm next, because I'll be damned if I'm going to gargle that water after she dunks her ass in it!"

Q: What's black, white and red, and can't go through a revolving door?
A: A nun with a spear through her head.

Two nuns were walking through the park at night whereupon they were set up on by the local gang of roughs and raped. Continuing on their journey, the one nun said to the other "How do you think the Mother Superior will react when we tell here we were raped twice?" The other nun said "But we have only been raped once!" and the first nun replied "Yes, but we're coming back this way, aren't we?"

A man saw a battered nun laying the alley. He asked her what was wrong, where she said that today was horrible. First she got excommunicated for getting drunk on sacramental wine, then she broke her leg trying to save her dog from getting run over by a truck. When she failed, a bone flew from the dog and put out her eye. Then she was roughed up and mugged and left here to die. At that, the man looked down, opened his fly and said "Lady, this just isn't your day!"

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun on the rag.

Q: What did the priest say when his secretary asked him what to do about the new abortion bill?
A: Pay it, pay it quick.

Q: What's another name for a nun on the rag?
A: A Holy Terror


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Braise the Lord!

[NoOpinion]

I have finally decided to grace you all with my presence.
Anyways ive got a couple of jokes.
Three nuns were sitting on a park bench one day. A flasher walked up and showed them his stuff.
The first nun had a stroke.

The second nun had a stroke.

The third nun's arm was too short.

Why doesent jesus eat m&m's?
They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

A man is walking past the church one day. He sees two alter boys with their penises stuck in the snow bank.
The man asked them, "Why do you have your penises in the snow bank?"

The boys quickly replied, "Father Smith always likes to have a couple of cold ones after work."


ok im done.

[NoOpinion]

Dear God,
So far today,
I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped. I haven't lost my temper. I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent.I havent necrosized any bitches.

I am very thankful for that.

But, in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed; and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot more help.

Amen

Thank god im athiest!

[The Desacrator]

Damnation and barbed wire sodomy! I am fucking impressed! This MB is excruciatingly entertaining! ***Nothing Sacred , No One Spared***

[The Desacrator]

Damnation and barbed wire sodomy! I'm fucking impressed! This MB is excruciatingly funny! ***Nothing Sacred , No One Spared***