Is there an Irish doctors in the house?

[Stranger]

Irish Medical Dictionary.

Artery- The study of paintings
Bacteria- Back door of a cafe
Barium- What you do when a patient dies
Bowel- One of the letters A, E, I, O or U
Cat scan- Searching for pussy
Cauterise- Making eye contact
Coma- A punctuation mark
Dilate- To live longer
Enema- Not a friend
Fester- Quicker
Fibula- A small lie
Hang nail- A picture hook
Impotent- Distinguished, well know
Labour pain- getting hurt at work
Node- as aware of
Outpatient- Fainting in the waiting room
Pelvis- Cousin of Elvis

[Stranger]

A man goes to the doctors complaining of terrible headaches. "Take all your clothes off and hop up on the bed" says the doc. Then he calls in a big black Labradore who walks over to the man and sniffs and licks him from head to toe. The dog barks once then walks out.
"Nothing wrong with you" says the Doc."Go home and get some rest"
"WTF?" says the patient "I want a second oppinion"
The doctor whistles and a big black cat strutts in. It jumps up on the man and sniffs and licks him from head to toe, meows once and then leaves.
"Yep" says the doc "Nothing wrong with you. Go home and get some rest"
"Thats it" says the guy "I'm outa here"
"That'll be $500 thanx" says the doc.
"How the hell can you charge me $500 for that?"
"$200 for the lab tests and $300 for the cat scann"

[GreenAppleSplatters]

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

To a different bar.

[D]

two blokes are drinking in a bar. One says to the other - where you from?

'Ireland - you?'
Jeez, Im from Ireland too!' says the first fella. ' Lets have another round: to Ireland!'
So they say cheers to Ireland and down there pints.
'So what part of Ireland you from?... Im from Dublin' ask the first.
'Your talkin shite - Im from Dublin too'
So they both had anouther drink and toasted Ireland before downing them in one.
'What school did you go to?' One asks the other.
'St Mary's - I left in 1978' Came the reply
' Get outta here... Thats grand. So did I, thats unbelieveable'

Another man comes into the bar and asks the barman whats going on.
'Not much' he replies. 'But the O'malley twins are pissed again.'