joke from when I was 8 years old

[D]

... dunno if I got it right...

Remembered it in a stae of stonedness when me and my mates were disscussing our early memories...
blah fucking blah... i'll just get on with it...
Im shit at telling jokes, but it goes something like this... actually maybe someone remembers the actual version...? its well old and everyones probably heard it...

After her mother left for the shops, Fukerader heard a knock at the door. When she opened it she saw the milkman standing there.
"Hi" said the milkman. " I'll give you one bottle of milk for free if i can come in your house..."
Fukerader thaought for a minute and thought her mum would be pleased that they got a free bottle of milk, so she agreed.
"I'll give you 2 Bottles of milk if I can go upstairs" stated the milkman.
once again Fukerader agreed as she thought no harm could come out of it.
"ok" said the milkman "i'll give you three bottles of milk if i can go into you room"
So they went into Fukeraders room...
"hmmmm... I' give you 4 bottles of milk if you let me fuck you..."
Fukerader debated the offer for a while... but the thought of four free bottles of milk was so appealing she agreed.
So at it they were, for only five minutes when Fuckeraders mother returned. when she walked in she wonder why her daughter wasn't about. She looked downstairs but there was no sign of her, so she called up stairs...
"FUKERADER...FUKERADER...?"
Whe all of a sudden she heard a strange voice call out...
"I'm trying, I'm trying!"

You may have to use an Essex accent to get it right...

[Disorder]

St. Peter is inspecting the pearly gates of heaven, along with one of those Heaven supervisors. As it turns out, the gates need some work done, so St. Peter says he'll get right on it. The sup says that, according to regulation, three bids must be submitted before any work can be done. St. Peter, in shock because he doubts there will be ANY contractors in Heaven -- much less three -- agrees and proceeds to get his bids.

The first guy he finds is an Irishman. The Irish guy looks at the gates, inspects them, and bids $1200 for the project: $400 for parts, $400 for labor, and $400 for himself. St. Peter thanks the guy and says that once he has received two more bids, he'll get back to him.

The next guy St. Peter finds -- after an extensive search, mind you -- is an Italian. The Italian inspects the damage and bids $900: $300 for parts, $300 for labor, and $300 for himself. St. Peter thanks him and says that once another bid is received he'll make the decision of whom to contract with.

Finally, after an exhaustive search of Heaven, St. Peter finds the third and final contractor -- a Jewish guy. The Jew looks at the damage, inspects the gates, and bits $2900.

"$2900!" cries St. Peter.

"Yes. $1000 for you, $1000 for me, and we pay the Italian $900 to do the work."

[PinkorBrown69]

One of my early memory jokes...

Pissoff, Manners and Shit, were sitting on a wall. Seeing a policeman, shit fell off the wall and manners climbed down to help him. Meanwhile the policeman walked up and asked piss off what he was doing. Nothing much he said. And what is your name? Asked the policeman. Piss off, said Piss off. Where's your mannors, said the policeman.
Over the wall picking up shit!