Skank Bang

[phatboy]

Ok, since everyone else on this site has had anythint but monotanous long term relationships I will post stupid stuff I have done in the past.

The skank bang.

This generally happens after a long night of drinking and a ridiculous amount of built up baby batter.

So at a kegger, party was ok, kind of thin, but it was a sunday night in the summer and we got the keg from the Class 6 store. The decent chicks all left around 10 or so, and I was about to take off when this homely girl starts talking to me about how drunk she is and how she doesnt even like bud light. SO Im like, ok, I wouldnt mind some head. So we ease off to one of the bedrooms and she's trying to kiss me and stuff (me no kissey skank) so Im letting her lick on my neck (benefit of being tall) and shes running her hand over my junk, and I am like "YES". but then she's like 'so how do you want to take me?' what kind of question is that?

So, since I am not the least bit into this girl and if any of my friends busted in the room Id have to act like she had a gun on me, I tell her to get on her knees. So shes on the bed, me standing on the floor behind her, going at it. She is making some weird noises, just odd, kind of like someone trying to clear their throat. I am ridiculously not into it. Im looking down at this gelatinous (SP?) blob of ass and I am like what the fuck am I doing? So I continue on doing my thing, trying to figure out how to get out of this. Really wishing someone would bang on the door or something. Finally it hit me. I know how to end this.

I start grunting like Im bout to lose it, I back out and make like Im rubbing one out, leaning over her back I actually spit on her..... just dropped a blob of saliva on her back. Letting out the ohhhh and all, couple more drops on her back and I know Im good. I tell her to not move so I can get something to wipe it off with, and I grab the covers of the bed and wipe her back off.

I then make up some shit about having to work and nice to meet you, I gotta go.......I think she spent the night there, cause no one saw me leaving.

[ucicare]

Ok, since everyone else on this site has had anythint but monotanous long term relationships I will post stupid stuff I have done in the past.

.

I have been in a monotonous relationship for 33 years. I don't guess that I get to play.

[JEFE]

I have been in a monotonous relationship for 33 years. I don't guess that I get to play.

Monotonous or monogamous?

Was that a Freudian slip?

Like when I asked you how you were doing that one time and you meant to answer, "I'm good" but instead you said, "I'm gayer than a leather pinata."?

[JEFE]

... Or a "handbag full of rainbows". I forgot exactly how you phrased it.

[Icenhour]

I had to read this again "after a long night of drinking and a ridiculous amount of built up baby batter"

in my head it read -- after a long night of drinking a ridiculous amount of built up baby batter

I was like WTF - why would he tell people this

[phatboy]

You know what baby batter is right?

Its the stuff you have to put in the 'oven' to make babies.

[Icenhour]

yes I know what it is... but at first when I read it... it sounded like you were drinking it

[Nauseous]

That's a funny story.

I slummed once. He wasn't ugly, but he was definitely in a lower class.

[MAJ Havoc]

Phatboy, you may be the only guy I know to have faked an orgasm.

[ucicare]

Monotonous or monogamous?

Was that a Freudian slip?

Like when I asked you how you were doing that one time and you meant to answer, "I'm good" but instead you said, "I'm gayer than a leather pinata."?

It's monotonous. I didn't read the fine print on the marriage license.

And just for the record, I'm a lesbian.

[GAS]

So you fucked some random nasty chick at a party without a cap? Dumb move dude.


And yes I have also done this.

[phatboy]

Phatboy, you may be the only guy I know to have faked an orgasm.

I was very ashamed. My dick was hard out of spite. I dont think I could have jacked one off on her back for real. I would have been ther for ever. maybe put a playboy across her ass, then i might have been able to let one fly.

[phatboy]

So you fucked some random nasty chick at a party without a cap? Dumb move dude.


And yes I have also done this.

by cap you mean bag for her face right?

[GAS]

No I meant like a baseball cap, I need to know what sports team she's a fan of...

[phatboy]

I think she liked the Greenville Swallows, but I couldnt wait around to find out.

[GAS]

Oh I'm sorry we were looking for South Carolina Gamecocks!

But you still get to choose a prize.

[mesclun salad]

Ok, since everyone else on this site has had anythint but monotanous long term relationships I will post stupid stuff I have done in the past.

The skank bang.

This generally happens after a long night of drinking and a ridiculous amount of built up baby batter.

So at a kegger, party was ok, kind of thin, but it was a sunday night in the summer and we got the keg from the Class 6 store. The decent chicks all left around 10 or so, and I was about to take off when this homely girl starts talking to me about how drunk she is and how she doesnt even like bud light. SO Im like, ok, I wouldnt mind some head. So we ease off to one of the bedrooms and she's trying to kiss me and stuff (me no kissey skank) so Im letting her lick on my neck (benefit of being tall) and shes running her hand over my junk, and I am like "YES". but then she's like 'so how do you want to take me?' what kind of question is that?

So, since I am not the least bit into this girl and if any of my friends busted in the room Id have to act like she had a gun on me, I tell her to get on her knees. So shes on the bed, me standing on the floor behind her, going at it. She is making some weird noises, just odd, kind of like someone trying to clear their throat. I am ridiculously not into it. Im looking down at this gelatinous (SP?) blob of ass and I am like what the fuck am I doing? So I continue on doing my thing, trying to figure out how to get out of this. Really wishing someone would bang on the door or something. Finally it hit me. I know how to end this.

I start grunting like Im bout to lose it, I back out and make like Im rubbing one out, leaning over her back I actually spit on her..... just dropped a blob of saliva on her back. Letting out the ohhhh and all, couple more drops on her back and I know Im good. I tell her to not move so I can get something to wipe it off with, and I grab the covers of the bed and wipe her back off.

I then make up some shit about having to work and nice to meet you, I gotta go.......I think she spent the night there, cause no one saw me leaving.

"gelatinous blob of ass", hahahaha. That gives a really disturbing visual...though I'm gonna assume it's accurate.

[Joeslogic]

So you fucked some random nasty chick at a party without a cap? Dumb move dude.


And yes I have also done this.

Ah the anonymity of the internet reminds me of the night I got some how shuffled into having this fat girl in my truck. I was blind drunk should not have been driving. The radio kicks on when I start my truck at about 150 decibels and its that song by Queen on the radio “Fat Bottom Girls”.
I honestly do not mind a chick being a little bit thick. But that was not it this chick had an ass that took up the whole passenger side of my truck cab.

And no Phat I was drunk but had enough self respect to drop her off at her house. Made some sort of excuse. And went out to another party. :p

Two more beers though I'd have been there. :cool:

[Icenhour]

why is it that guys get drunk and fuck ugly chicks--- then say it was ok because they were drunk. What I mean is, ... just because you are drunk - you feel it is ok.... and you claim you would NEVER do it sober... hmmm so what is next??? fucking little raver fags in the but ....but its ok because you were drunk and would NEVER do it sober??? or pokin the family dog... but is ok---- you would never do it sober.

Every person that has ever inserted a penis/tongue/finger whatever in me I was attracted to, in some way. (or I was paid.... just kiddin ...)

I have never said - "ugg I was drunk and fucked a gross 500lb redneck." and I did some drinkin in my younger days.
Is it because men are just gross pigs and will poke anything? Hell you nasty fuckers even fuck fruit for god's sake.

I was bartender many years ago for a short time. One time we got this plain Jane looking chick come in with her friends. She asked for something sweet and not to alcoholie tasting. I mixed up some shit that had a tiny splash of alcohol in it .... and she tasted it... Ewwwww!
she asked for something sweeter ... so I mixed up a bunch of crap with NO ALCOHOL. She loved it and after 4 she was acting like a drunk and hanging all over any guy that would sit next to her. Maybe it was a placebo affect ... but I think it was just an excuse to act like a slut. So the next day she could say ... I was drunk--- and would NEVER do that sober.

Stop blaming the Bud Light ... you know you would have fucked her sober. You just use the alcohol as an excuse.

[Lomotil]

Y'kno... I've been in similar situations, but never actually went through with it... Except for that one time I passed out on the toilet at the Zoo, woke up after closing, and was stuck there overnight with only my bottle of Old Crow and my wits about me... And the female Bonobo Ape managed to seduce me into her cage...

At least, I think it was a female... :eek:

[phatboy]

The alcohol is the excuse. If I'd have been sober I would have never been there. So I can blame that on the alcohol. It put me in a position to make a dumb decision like that. Alcohol lowers a females inhibition, and a guys standards. I used to date this girl whose older brother and his friends would go to a party and try to fuck the ugliest girls there. I never got it. We went to this 'upscale' party in the old money part of town. We got there after them and the party was full of people 10-15 years older than me. I had only met him a couple of times before and he is grinding all up on this mongoloid chick. I look at his sister and say, "What the fuck is he doing" and then she explains the whole 'game' to me.

I think they probably just liked their odds better and used the game as an excuse.

And I am sure that I am some chicks 'what the fuck was I thinking' guy. Its inevitable. The cool thing is as long as I stick a thumb in their ass I can always say, "Yea, you didnt say that when I had my thumb in your ass"....

:)

[Joeslogic]

why is it that guys get drunk and fuck ugly chicks--- then say it was ok because they were drunk. What I mean is, ... just because you are drunk - you feel it is ok.... and you claim you would NEVER do it sober... hmmm so what is next??? fucking little raver fags in the but ....but its ok because you were drunk and would NEVER do it sober??? or pokin the family dog... but is ok---- you would never do it sober.

Every person that has ever inserted a penis/tongue/finger whatever in me I was attracted to, in some way. (or I was paid.... just kiddin ...)

I have never said - "ugg I was drunk and fucked a gross 500lb redneck." and I did some drinkin in my younger days.
Is it because men are just gross pigs and will poke anything? Hell you nasty fuckers even fuck fruit for god's sake.

I was bartender many years ago for a short time. One time we got this plain Jane looking chick come in with her friends. She asked for something sweet and not to alcoholie tasting. I mixed up some shit that had a tiny splash of alcohol in it .... and she tasted it... Ewwwww!
she asked for something sweeter ... so I mixed up a bunch of crap with NO ALCOHOL. She loved it and after 4 she was acting like a drunk and hanging all over any guy that would sit next to her. Maybe it was a placebo affect ... but I think it was just an excuse to act like a slut. So the next day she could say ... I was drunk--- and would NEVER do that sober.

Stop blaming the Bud Light ... you know you would have fucked her sober. You just use the alcohol as an excuse.

Moment of truth if I'd been more drunk than I already was id have been like the Dead Kennedys song; too drunk to fuck.

Yes guys fuck because they are horny and alcohol emboldens one to forget about the social stigma.

[Joeslogic]

And I am sure that I am some chicks 'what the f*ck was I thinking' guy. Its inevitable. The cool thing is as long as I stick a thumb in their ass I can always say, "Yea, you didnt say that when I had my thumb in your ass"....

Now I don't care who you are that shit is funny!

And on your thumb also.

[Nauseous]

I think people think stupid shit sounds like a good idea when they are drunk.

[Icenhour]

I think people think stupid shit sounds like a good idea when they are drunk.

true... but out of all the stupid shit I did while drunk.... I secretly wanted to do anyway. Like when I stole a privacy curtain from a titty bar.... pissed in my sister's boss car.... cut all my hair off .... painted FAG on my X friends car. . etc... I never did something I WOULD NEVER DO. The alcohol gave me the balls to do things I wanted to do.

my point is... he secretly wanted some chunky cooter.

[Joeslogic]

I look at is as a charity thing cause chunky girls need good lovin also.

[Nauseous]

true... but out of all the stupid shit I did while drunk.... I secretly wanted to do anyway. Like when I stole a privacy curtain from a titty bar.... pissed in my sister's boss car.... cut all my hair off .... painted FAG on my X friends car. . etc... I never did something I WOULD NEVER DO. The alcohol gave me the balls to do things I wanted to do.

my point is... he secretly wanted some chunky cooter.

I agree. I hate the drunk cop out. I do think people do things that they wouldn't normally have the balls for.

And I don't know if you've ever seen it, but you would be excellent for the cast of The Bad Girl's Club.

[Icenhour]

I agree. I hate the drunk cop out. I do think people do things that they wouldn't normally have the balls for.

And I don't know if you've ever seen it, but you would be excellent for the cast of The Bad Girl's Club.

I have seen it a few times. My husband said I should go on there. I would end up in jail. I dont mix well with females.

[phatboy]

That must be a difference between men and women. Men do dumb shit we want to do all the time. We dont need alcohol to drag behind the car on wet pavement (yea did that sober) or get shot at in a McDonalds parking lot (yep sober again), or have some jackass try to spray me with gas from the pump before I kicked his ass (sober too).

The only dumb thing I do drunk is chicks.

[Icenhour]

so who is to say you would not fuck a dude while drunk? or a goat, or a dog, or a 75 year old woman.... hmmm

guys claim - I WOULD NEVER FUCK A FAT UGLY CHICK SOBER .... so where do you draw the line????

dont lie... you like giant girls to gobble your goober . You slapped that shit and rode the wave.

[Joeslogic]

That must be a difference between men and women. Men do dumb shit we want to do all the time. We dont need alcohol to drag behind the car on wet pavement (yea did that sober) or get shot at in a McDonalds parking lot (yep sober again), or have some jackass try to spray me with gas from the pump before I kicked his ass (sober too).

The only dumb thing I do drunk is chicks.

I have this weird thing about making if / then scenarios regarding common situations. I've seen a fight go down at a gas station myself and the idea occurred to me that the guy with the gas nozzle in his hand was pretty stupid not to spray the other dude. So there was my scenario if someone ever really gives me a ration of shit at a gas pump and I'm pumping gas and in a bad mood. He is getting sprayed.

Of course that’s liable to make the dude real mad and would only really scare him if you then pulled out a bic lighter and since I never seem to carry a lighter. I might need to scratch that from my list of ideas.

[Joeslogic]

You know chunky chicks may not be fashionable but the whole cushion for the pushin rumor is only a rumor to those who have not had a really skinny chick with a pelvic bone that sticks out like a hood ornament on a 64 Pontiac Star Chief.

I guess there is a thing called a happy medium.

[Icenhour]

I personally would rather have a chunky guy then a skinny one. but then again I am a big ol chunky chick currently ... and when I am not fat... Im still a big ol meaty chick.

but if I were a guy I would want a skinny skinny chick. Seems like they would be easier to maneuver... cause I know when I am fat and / or pregnant... I get a little lazy in the sack.

[GAS]

I prefer a girl with a little meat on the bones, hell I even think a tiny bit of muffin-top is sexy. :)

As far as the doing sub par girls when you're drunk arguement goes; drunk sex kicks ass from my experience and booze encourages it to happen for all parties involved. Even if you're not doing a 10 it can still be pretty awesome.

And the whole doing another guy thing...well girls get fucked up and do the same thing, why wouldn't it work both ways?(insert GAS is gay joke here)

[Joeslogic]

I personally would rather have a chunky guy then a skinny one. but then again I am a big ol chunky chick currently ... and when I am not fat... Im still a big ol meaty chick.

but if I were a guy I would want a skinny skinny chick. Seems like they would be easier to maneuver... cause I know when I am fat and / or pregnant... I get a little lazy in the sack.

So show us a "big ol meaty chick" pic wearing as little as you dare.

We will judge your hotness.

[phatboy]

I didnt say I wouldnt do a thick chick sober. I said I wouldnt have done that chick sober.

I like em thick. I like curves. I have been with skinny (100-115lb) chicks and thats cool and all, but I like a juicy bubble, so I prefer the 140-175lb range (depending on height) I dont want a 3.5 foot tall 175lb chick I would call her quasimodo.

[Joeslogic]

Phat ah yes so you know what I'm talking about. Got to have at least a little bit of cushin.

[Icenhour]

So show us a "big ol meaty chick" pic wearing as little as you dare.

We will judge your hotness.
I dont need your judgment ... I know Im hot for a fat chick... and really hot for a meaty chick when that comes around.

right now I am a big ol fat chick. I back and forth due to Cushing's disease ( I get fat have a pituitary tumor removed... then loose a buncha weight... this has gone on for like 10 years) ... and I just had a baby.. um like 6 months ago... well I guess I did not "just" have him.

I lost all my pics in my Divorce ... All my good - young - slimmest pics are in an album now in Germany or on the computer her took with him... ASSHOLE and my pro Dominatrix pics are lost in some lawyers office ( my X hubby tried to use it against me... did not work)

I have pics on my Myspace (yes I know its dorky) http://www.myspace.com/marseli242 newest fatty pics are in the Vegas Wedding album 7-7-08
and I think there are some chunky ones on photobucket -go to the one that says (Push up)
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v33/icenhour/
all those are kinda old... but I was real chunky in a few ... and slightly chunky in a few... Im never skinny

sorry no nude ones or near nude one ... being a big ol gal I know better.

[GAS]

When did this thread become IsIcenhourhotornot.com?

And I sent you a friend request on the space of my.

[Icenhour]

When did this thread become IsIcenhourhotornot.com?

And I sent you a friend request on the space of my.

blame Joe

[phatboy]

So lets take this back to fucking skanks.

I mean come on.

I just think chicks like to think that guys do what they want, or say what they mean, when they are drunk. I can lie my ass off when I'm drunk, regardless of what I want, compared to what I am going for.

Must be the Irish in me.

[Icenhour]

so how much alcohol would it take you to fuck
Rosie O'Donald
The Golden Girls
Mrs Garrett from Facts Of Life
Missy Elliott
Joan Rivers
Down Syndrome chick

Corey Feldman
Clay Akin
Iggy Pop

????????????

[phatboy]

so how much alcohol would it take you to fuck
Rosie O'Donald - Nope, she hates the NRA
The Golden Girls - arent they all dead?
Mrs Garrett from Facts Of Life - Isnt she dead?
Missy Elliott - Might be fun.....
Joan Rivers - She not fat, she's plastic
Down Syndrome chick - ?????

Corey Feldman - not a chick
Clay Akin - might be, but I dont think this is a chick either
Iggy Pop - isnt he dead?

????????????

I must have struck a nerve about fucking a fat chick. Whats up?

I just said I wouldnt have fucked her sober.

[Icenhour]

I must have struck a nerve about fucking a fat chick. Whats up?

I just said I wouldnt have fucked her sober.

no , no nerve struck .... I have mostly male friends and I hear the same shit from them. I was just sayin - if it took alcohol to fuck HER ... then how much alcohol would it take to fuck the people listed.

Im just stickin to this thread because all the others suck right now.... and I am avoiding housework by acting busy typin away .... Im supposed to be updating our website... but I dont feel like it. so Im just reading Craigslist and Fugly... did I mention fat chicks are lazy when it comes to housework?

I forgot what your first post was on this thread. I know it has something to do with fucking fat chicks while drunk... I am sleepy.. I will catch up tomorrow night. Night Night Niggahs

[mesclun salad]

This is potentially one of the most uncomfortable threads I have ever read...granted I don't read many. Oh well.

[Joeslogic]

Don't blame me I'm just looking to see some tush..... hold on...this is the internet WTH am I thinking.

[GAS]

so how much alcohol would it take you to fuck
Rosie O'Donald-none
The Golden Girls-a bunch
Mrs Garrett from Facts Of Life-don't remember what she looks like
Missy Elliott-none
Joan Rivers-a shitload
Down Syndrome chick-that's just wrong

Corey Feldman-I never had or ever will have sex with a dude
Clay Akin-see above
Iggy Pop-see above

????????????

I need to whip up a list of dudes for you.

[phatboy]

I forgot what your first post was on this thread. I know it has something to do with fucking fat chicks while drunk... I am sleepy.. I will catch up tomorrow night. Night Night Niggahs

She wasnt just fat. She was kinda ugly too. That was the jest of it and why I hit it from behind. Heck I'll hit a fat chick sober. That's not a problem.

I just find it hard to believe that every chick I have hooked up with has really liked me and never gone 'WTF did I do that for' the morning after. It would be nice to think that had never happened, make me feel all democrat and stuff.

[Nauseous]

so how much alcohol would it take you to fuck
Rosie O'Donald
The Golden Girls
Mrs Garrett from Facts Of Life
Missy Elliott
Joan Rivers
Down Syndrome chick

Corey Feldman
Clay Akin
Iggy Pop

????????????

I'd fuck Corey Haim but not Feldman.

[Icenhour]

I'd fuck Corey Haim but not Feldman.

Back 16 years ago I had a cruch on Haim ... or wait I guess longer ago. Shit I forget how old I am ....

anyway of course all the girls wanted Haim and said they would even fuck Feldman to get to Haim. now they are both gross
I would let Rosie and Missy go down on me... but would not return the favor... WTF is wrong with me?

[phatboy]

Rosie is probably pretty experienced at it.

[Icenhour]

Rosie is probably pretty experienced at it.

Yeah .. thats why I would let her. I think Missy Elliott is as well. but like I said - I would NOT return the favor.... I'm a lazy part time lesbo

[Nauseous]

Back 16 years ago I had a cruch on Haim ... or wait I guess longer ago. Shit I forget how old I am ....

anyway of course all the girls wanted Haim and said they would even fuck Feldman to get to Haim. now they are both gross
I would let Rosie and Missy go down on me... but would not return the favor... WTF is wrong with me?

I dunno. He got pretty fat for a while and he lost weight and is kinda looking like a hot mess these days. He has a pseudo confidence about him though that I think makes him effable. I also have dreams about him for some reason every now and then I don't know why. He doesn't ever cross my mind.

I found out that he is about my height or shorter though and that doesn't make him as cute. I thought he was tall. I guess standing next to Feldman would make anyone look tall though. I can't stand Feldman. I can't stand vegetarians who act like they do it for the animals and then wear leather.

I like it when he (Haim) calls people "kid". Most people that would annoy me, but he can get away with it.

[GAS]

Yeah .. thats why I would let her. I think Missy Elliott is as well. but like I said - I would NOT return the favor.... I'm a lazy part time lesbo

Missy Elliot looks damn good now that she's lost a few pounds. I'd wreck that shit!

[Nauseous]

I think she's totally ugly and her videos creep me the fuck out.

Goddamn, I'd pick KD Lang over those two. At least she has a pretty voice.

[Nauseous]

Lemme set the record straight that I'm not a fan or anything. I don't like that kind of music, but I appreciate her voice and she did do a duet with Roy Orbison that was fucking terrific for the song, "Crying".